the past
by: Lora

As i sit here, i see ur face. i think of all the times we shared, the times we laughed, we cried. its so hard thinking that we had something so good, but now its gone. and it can never be again. but sometimes i wish that it wasn't tru. you knew everything that i felt, and i could talk to you about anything. it seems like our time together was cut short. i fight myself to stop thinking about you. youre smile...ur touch...ur voice. but its so hard. people are always telling me that the past is the past...but i cant seem to let go of people and events. and thats' reallie wut my life is about. and i dont see how i could ever let that go. out of all the things in the past...ur face always comes up. i try to shut you out, but it doesnt work. we never talk or anything..and that makes it just as hard. somtimes...i dream about the future and the day i run into you again, and maybe we can have our 2nd chance. but it makes me cry knowing that will never happen. but why does the past always have to be in the past? i mean...it does affect us now in some odd werid way. i remember the way i was w/you. you made me a better person. a godly person. and im nothing close to that anymore. i sit and stare @ the screen...u're almost always online. but i never can seem to get up the nerve to talk to you. im always so afraid to. i dont reallie understand why. maybe im afraid of getting too close again, when u'd just shut me out again. why is it brains think so much? why do they have to think about the past, and what was, they cant seem to focus on what is now? when there are problems now that you have to deal with. there's so much going on, and i think of what it was then. it was so peaceful and happy. and it seems to be a mad house now. you never reallie moved on to anohter girl after me. sometimes i wonder if you still have feelings for me. but i kno im just being foolish. im a foolish person. a foolishness gets you nowhere. why does my fantacy always have to be the crazie one? why am i sitting here writing about you, to you, when i kno you'll never see this. you'll never kno wut goes through my head when i see ur picture. i feel so dumb. i feel like a little girl. no..i guess not a little girl. but i guess a little girl in some odd way. like a girl that dreams of that day when she'll have a chance w/that boy that she likes but she's always too afraid to talk to him. that's how i was w/you @ first i remember. i remember i was too afraid to tell you that i liked you in the first place. sometimes i wish that i never had. i wish i kept it to myself. then it wouldn't be this wya. we would still be friends and still talking. but i always seem to screw things up. i bet you wouldn't of ever said anything if i didnt. but maybe im wrong. im prolly wrong about a lot of what i've said here. i saw you one time. you didnt see me tho. i was w/my b/f @ the time...but i couldn't stop looking @ you. i dont think he noticed. you were so far away, and i wanted to just run up to you and talk to you. but i couldn't. i was afraid. i am afriad...im afraid of myself and my thoughts...and of this...